So last night was yet another sleepless affair, it was about 4.45am when I nodded off and until then I lay awake with mad dogs running round in my head. I hate mad dogs but they throw up some interesting thoughts. Last night I mulled over my school days, being bullied from P1 through to leaving by the same person - I seen him a few months back, he has made it I tell you, a security guy in Tescos, karma? - being dyslexic and how let down I was by the whole system.
This is a period of my life that I have tried to block out, I never think about it because it's so depressing to me but I think discussing Dimple's working life has made me confront it, after all she is a secondary school English teacher! It was not really until early 20's that I started to believe in myself, that I was not dumb, ugly, a wimp, a sucker or what ever else I was branded and I started to weed out the crap in my life.
Anyway, if my school years where different and maybe I was not such a loner or a simp, I think I would have been a straight A student, stayed at school, went to Uni, got a great job, been unhappily married and have a couple of brats as children. You see, even tho those things did not happen does not mean that I am unhappy, full of regret or that I even hold a grudge (in the same positions, with the same knowledge, I would make the same decisions again because they where the morally right decisions to make), in fact, I would say that this way I am a better person. I understand the world we live in so much more, had what I think was a privileged childhood, seen the world, understand and empathise with people and am reasonably happy most of the time. You see it's because of those events, the times I was not selfish in forwarding my own life towards 'normality' and ultimately unhappiness that I am now in a unique position and able to make mature, informed decisions leading to 'hopefully' a healthier life, filled with joy, laughter, fun and possibly more.
I am a normally weird geeky guy, I have an average life, earn an average wage and have had a middle class upbringing and that, my friends, is what I wanted in life, just to be average and happy! Nothing too complicated, to difficult, to help out who I could along the way and make a little difference to someone's life. I hope I have done all that and my conscience is clear (judge that God) but where do I go now?
Well there is Dimples, I am going to enjoy walking the path with her, who knows where it will lead but as I always say, it's the journey that counts, not necessarily the destination.
TODAY'S LINKS :: The Line Game we all played at school :: MoBlog - My life in photo's :: Karl Pilkington's Rockbusters :: The Luxor - Hopefully where we are going for summer hols! :: Join the social music revolution at Last.fm :: Help with bullying :: The Law of Karma
REMEMBER KID'S :: "I used to have a handle on life, but it broke."
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